So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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