your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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