he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone shit on the floor
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
