Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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