Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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