is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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