I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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