I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
