Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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