i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
