Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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