I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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