I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize