I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
