Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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