i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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