in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
