No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize