Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
