i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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