He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
