: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
