Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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