Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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