I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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