if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
