Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
