even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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