I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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