I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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