Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
