someone owes me an orgasm
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
