fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
