I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
