just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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