My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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