White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
