1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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