That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I will be naked everywhere
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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