I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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