Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
