How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
