Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
