I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
