Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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