I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
