It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
