I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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