Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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