are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
