would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
