Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
