I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize