You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
