This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize