So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
