you guys were way drunker than both of me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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