don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You made out with two different species that night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
