Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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