she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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