I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
