when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
