Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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