the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
