hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
