Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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