I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
