I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
