Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize