found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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