Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
