Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
