I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize