just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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