just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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